Why Couples Therapy Isn’t Just About Fixing What’s Broken

When couples consider therapy, they often wonder:

“Why would we go to couples therapy?”

And,

“What kinds of issues is therapy actually helpful for?”

These are important questions. And while many people come to therapy feeling hurt, distant, or stuck in conflict, the truth is that couples therapy is about so much more than solving problems.

More Than Just What’s Wrong

One common misunderstanding I see—especially in the early stages of therapy—is the belief that we need to focus only on what’s not working. That if we spend time exploring anything outside of the “problem,” we’re wasting time or avoiding the issue.

Take Lisa and Savannah, for example. When they started therapy, I asked questions not only about their relationship but also about their friendships, family dynamics, and work lives. They were surprised. “Shouldn’t we be talking about our arguments?” they wondered.

It’s a natural reaction. But couples therapy begins by painting the whole picture—not just the struggles. Because without truly knowing and understanding each other, meaningful change can’t happen.

Not Just Yours and Mine—It’s Ours

Another belief I hear from partners is, “My issues are mine, and my partner’s are theirs.” It often comes from a healthy place—a desire to take responsibility and not blame the other person.

But here’s the catch: while individual growth is important, couples therapy focuses on what’s happening between you. It’s not about assigning blame. It’s about understanding the dance you’re both in—and learning new steps that help you feel more connected, respected, and safe with one another.

Why We Don’t Jump Straight to Problem-Solving

When couples are in conflict, it’s tempting to jump right into solutions. But if the bond between you feels strained, attempts to fix things often fall short.

Research shows that couples with secure emotional bonds are better problem-solvers and more effective communicators. That means therapy starts by strengthening that bond—not avoiding the issues, but building the connection that will help you face them together.

Conflict Isn’t the Problem—Disconnection Is

Let’s clear up a myth: Conflict is not bad.

Most modern couples therapy models actually see conflict as an opportunity for growth. What matters isn’t whether you argue—it’s how you repair, how you understand each other, and how you move forward together.

Getting to Know Each Other Again

So when I ask about your past, your values, or how you felt growing up—it’s not a tangent. It’s a doorway.

Your partner is learning about you in a deeper way. That increased empathy and understanding builds a stronger, more compassionate bond—the kind that makes navigating future conflict much more possible.

Couples therapy isn’t just about fixing what’s broken.It’s about creating the kind of relationship where both partners feel truly seen, heard, and valued.

Curious if couples therapy might be right for you?You don’t have to wait for things to fall apart. Whether you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or just wanting to grow together, couples therapy can offer support, clarity, and a path forward.

You don’t have to navigate this alone. If you’re feeling curious or ready to begin, reach out—I’d love to connect.

Becky