Finding Connection Within: How IFS Therapy Supports Healing

Understanding Inner Conflict

I want to share a little about how I practice, and about a model that has been incredibly helpful to me both personally and professionally. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming to be in conflict with yourself — like different parts of you are pulling in opposite directions. At the same time, this is a very normal part of being human. These inner conflicts can show up in many ways: from something as simple as wanting to go out and meet people while also wanting to stay home and recharge, to something more complex like wanting to stay in a relationship and build a life with someone while also feeling the urge to leave. Experiencing multiple, sometimes contradictory feelings all at once doesn’t mean anything is wrong — it just means you’re human.

Sometimes these inner conflicts come from trauma. When we’ve faced difficult or painful experiences, parts of us often step in to protect us. These parts might show up in ways that feel extreme, confusing, or even counterproductive, but their intentions are always to keep us safe. A gentle, compassionate approach like IFS helps us get to know these protective parts, understand what they’ve been carrying, and gradually help them relax so healing can begin.

Richard Schwartz, the founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS), points out that in many cultures — though not all — there exists a “mono-mind” idea. This sets us up to think we should always be internally unified. When we notice conflicting parts or inner disagreements, it can feel like something is “wrong” with us. Over time, these internal conflicts can lead to shame and a sense of disconnection from ourselves.

A Different Way of Relating to Yourself

IFS offers a different way of relating to these parts of ourselves. Instead of seeing them as problems to fix, parts that need to be silenced, or coping strategies that need to be changed, the model invites curiosity, compassion, and dialogue. Each part has its own perspective and good intentions, even if its strategies feel unhelpful or painful.

“Rather than seeing parts as problems to fix, IFS invites curiosity, compassion, and dialogue.”

As we get to know our parts and treat them with care, patterns naturally begin to shift. Parts that have carried burdens for years can start to relax, trust in your Self can grow, and your inner system can feel more harmonious. Richard Schwartz outlines four basic goals that guide this work:

“The Four Basic Goals of IFS:

• Liberate parts from the roles they’ve been forced into, so they can be who they’re designed to be.

• Restore trust in the Self and Self-leadership.

• Reharmonize the inner system.

• Become more Self-led in your interactions with the world.”― Richard C. Schwartz, No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model

  
  

The Ripple Effect: Inner and Outer Relationships

Working with parts in this way doesn’t just change how we experience ourselves internally — it also shapes how we relate to others. As Richard Schwartz writes:

“How we relate in the inner world will be how we relate in the outer. If we can appreciate and have compassion for our parts, even for the ones we’ve considered to be enemies, we can do the same for people who resemble them. On the other hand, if we hate or disdain our parts, we’ll do the same with anyone who reminds us of them.”

This inner work also mirrors what we see in family therapy. Just as family therapy helps members of a family system communicate, understand each other, and build connection, IFS helps the parts within us develop trust, cooperation, and harmony. Creating balance and understanding internally can ripple outward, supporting healthier, more compassionate relationships with the people in our lives.

What Therapy Can Look Like

Through IFS therapy, the hope is to help each part feel seen, heard, and valued. When parts no longer need to act out burdens or protect us in extreme ways, our relationships — with ourselves and with others — can become calmer, more compassionate, and more connected.

In therapy, you’ll have a space to meet all parts of yourself with curiosity and care. Many people find that this process reduces internal conflict, helps them feel more grounded, and strengthens relationships with themselves and others. IFS can support a wide range of challenges — from anxiety, depression, and trauma to difficulties in relationships or navigating internal conflict. Healing doesn’t come from silencing or eliminating any part of yourself, but from creating harmony and connection within your inner system. All parts are welcome in this work.

Begin the Journey

If you’re curious about exploring this process, therapy can be a place to begin cultivating curiosity, compassion, and connection with yourself — and, in turn, with the people in your life.

If you feel ready, I invite you to reach out to start therapy and begin this journey of understanding and healing with support. I look forward to joining you on the path.

Becky